I want to cry!

I think I'm going to SCREAM!!!!!!

I don't know what to do. The guy that I've mentioned before, well....I can't stop thinking about him. I WANT to, because I know that nothing will ever happen...but that doesn't stop my feelings or my thoughts!! What am I going to do???

I SOOOOO much want to e-mail him.....but I know that if I do...one he won't respond. He NEVER responds to his e-mails....(at least the ones from me.) Second, I don't want to keep e-mailing him...cuz, if I do...then he might think somethings up...and I don't want him to think anything!!!

Gosh, I'm soo pathetic!!!! What am I going to do??? The thougtht of going back to Cali excits me...for one main reason....I might be able to see him!!!! See, what I mean? How much more pathetic can I get??

I don't know what to do. I've tried to squish these feelings and thoughts down...hoping that they'll disappear, but they never do!!

I don't know. If I knew that maybe he likes me even a little bit.....then maybe...it would be so much easier for me.
But he'll probably eventually find some girl....and really fall in love with her....and then I'll be the one that gets hurt...not him.

Gosh, this sucks completely!!!

He's such a great guy. I've known him since I was like 4...he's about 3 yrs. older than I am. He's a christian. He loves the Lord. He's super sweet to girls. He's a total gentleman!!!! I think that at one point....a looooooong time ago...he liked me.....but that doesn't count for much. I don't know about now....and now is what I really want to know.

He's never had a real girlfriend! He's gone on dates before....but he's never gotten serious with anyone. He doesn't drink, smoke....or anything...the only swear word I've ever heard him say....was "hell." That's it!!!

I know this all makes him sound like a goody tooshie...but he's not. He's just a gem...compared to other guys out there these days.

Ugh....this is pathetic...I feel like screaming and crying and soooooo much more!!! It's going to hurt bad...when he does eventually find a girl and falls in love with her!!!!

Ok, I'm ending this before I start to cry!

Later for now!