sad, hurt, lonely

Dear Jesus,

I'm going to use this blog to talk/write you. I hope you don't mind.

I'm having a really hard time. When haven't I heard that? Is what I'm sure is going through your head. I'm sorry, but I am. I'm struggling with many different issues right now, but the one that is bothering the most is: my boyfriend. Now isn't that a cliche, a girl having boy troubles. I know that I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be. I make mistakes everyday. I know that I get very immature at times when it comes to my relationship, sometimes I just feel I can't help it, it almost feels good to act in a childish way...but then afterwards I feel very foolish; but boy in the moment it feels GREAT! Needless to say, I don't always handle issues very well (when it comes to the relationship.) Also, this is the first time that I have had a "real" relationship, so I don't always know the best way to approach things.

I should say, I love him very much. Most of the time he makes me so happy. Lately however (over the last few wks) he's been different towards me. I'm not sure why, but he's been getting real mean and jerkish. I honestly don't know how to handle it, it makes me feel like he really doesn't care about me or love me in the way that he claims. Does this make sense? Is that possible? The way he has been treating me, has been VERY hurtful :( I don't know what to do Jesus. It really hurts. I don't know if I should cut my losses and end the relationship. I don't want too, I love him and do want to be with him...but not if he's going to continue to be this way towards me. When I mention to him how bad it is ( I really believe that he knows what he's doing) he'll say sorry...but I don't feel he really means it, because then he just keeps doing it. Is there another girl in is life that he'd rather be with, and doesn't want to be the "bad" guy and end it, so he is just mean and awful to me in hopes that I'll break it off?! I don't know, maybe. He used to NEVER be like this! He's intentionally mean! That hurts so much, because if he wasn't aware of it or something, then I'd be a bit more understanding, but NO he knows he's doing it, and continues to keep doing it!

I'm sorry Jesus, please forgive me. I just want to know what I should do, or how I should handle it. I guess in a sense, this is my prayer to you. I apologize for the crude manner in which I'm presenting it to you..I hope you don't mind.

Well, I feel a little better, sorta. Let off a bit of steam. I just feel really hurt, he doesn't care about me anymore. What am I still doing with him?