Peace! Ah...what a wonderful feeling! :)

I've had a break through!

Just a reminder...I'm still in my "depression" mode...just so you all know.

Anyway, back to my break through. I've finally and honestly reached the point where....(drum roll please!) I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I'm at peace...for the most part...with everything!!

Gosh! It feels so good to say that! :) It might be due in part to my "depression." Either way...I've reached the point that I've been wanting to reach for awhile now. Don't get me wrong...I'm still very discouraged with many areas of my life...but I feel more peace now, than I have in a long while.
I can't really explain it, but it feel REALLY good! It's definitely God given! :) Thank you Jesus for this peace! xoxo

Well, other then my break through...I don't really have much else to report on. So, I end this for now.

Update later!

at peace with life gypsy

Uh Oh! Is another move in the cards....hmmm...

OK! Much has happened the last couple of days!

For starters...I think I'm in a new bout of "depression" or something to that effect. I'm not proud of it...but that's just the way things are. I've come to the point where I don't care anymore about anything. I've gone completely past caring. I don't care where we live or where we end up...

So...moving on.

It looks like we might be leaving Illinois a whole lot sooner than I excepted. Through a series of "incidents" Frank will most likely be losing his job.
Now I'm all for leaving Illinois, but I don't want to go back and live in Oroville and....it's not going to be any fun with him out of a job. For who knows how long :(
I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too, but I do hope the Lord provides another job for him.

Oh well...I don't really care much anymore...whatever happens, happens!

I'll update later.

gypsy

Schoolwork...BaBy!

Well, I'm starting to pray extra hard these days! Most of my praying subjects consist of one thing...my schoolwork! I'm actually not doing half bad in this department....but I still have some substantial amount of work left...namely in SPANISH!!! I really liked Spanish last yr., but this year...it pretty much sucks!!!

Then there's my ESSAYS!!! Don't even get me started on that.....they are cramming Soho many essays into the last quarter...it's not even funny:( OH, well...I have to do them..so I might as well get them over with!! Here we go.....

Well, that's all I came to write. I don't have anything interesting I feel like discussing or complaining about :) So...I'll end this.

Catch up with ya later!

gypsy

I want to cry!

I think I'm going to SCREAM!!!!!!

I don't know what to do. The guy that I've mentioned before, well....I can't stop thinking about him. I WANT to, because I know that nothing will ever happen...but that doesn't stop my feelings or my thoughts!! What am I going to do???

I SOOOOO much want to e-mail him.....but I know that if I do...one he won't respond. He NEVER responds to his e-mails....(at least the ones from me.) Second, I don't want to keep e-mailing him...cuz, if I do...then he might think somethings up...and I don't want him to think anything!!!

Gosh, I'm soo pathetic!!!! What am I going to do??? The thougtht of going back to Cali excits me...for one main reason....I might be able to see him!!!! See, what I mean? How much more pathetic can I get??

I don't know what to do. I've tried to squish these feelings and thoughts down...hoping that they'll disappear, but they never do!!

I don't know. If I knew that maybe he likes me even a little bit.....then maybe...it would be so much easier for me.
But he'll probably eventually find some girl....and really fall in love with her....and then I'll be the one that gets hurt...not him.

Gosh, this sucks completely!!!

He's such a great guy. I've known him since I was like 4...he's about 3 yrs. older than I am. He's a christian. He loves the Lord. He's super sweet to girls. He's a total gentleman!!!! I think that at one point....a looooooong time ago...he liked me.....but that doesn't count for much. I don't know about now....and now is what I really want to know.

He's never had a real girlfriend! He's gone on dates before....but he's never gotten serious with anyone. He doesn't drink, smoke....or anything...the only swear word I've ever heard him say....was "hell." That's it!!!

I know this all makes him sound like a goody tooshie...but he's not. He's just a gem...compared to other guys out there these days.

Ugh....this is pathetic...I feel like screaming and crying and soooooo much more!!! It's going to hurt bad...when he does eventually find a girl and falls in love with her!!!!

Ok, I'm ending this before I start to cry!

Later for now!

My life motto!

Missing

I WANT TO LEAVE 'THIS PLACE' SO BAD!!!!!!!!!! (I'm not at liberty to disclose what location I'm at, to do so would be unsafe:))

I WANT TO GO BACK TO CALI!!!!! I MISS IS SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! *crying* :(

Well, I'm glad I got that off my chest. I feel so much better!!!

later,
gypsy

lots of nothing

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a very moody person. I believe more so when I'm on my periods. I know it's kind of gross, but that's the truth. Also, no one ever reads my blogs, so, I think I'm pretty safe...I can write pretty much whatever I feel like. :)

The last couple of days I've bee....I can't remember what I was going to write.

Well, it's late and I need to get to bed. I have to get lots of schoolwork done tomorrow.

I'll write later, when I get the chance.

Later for now.

gypsy

Praises

Today is a T-riffic day!

Do you know why it's such a T-riffic day?

Well, it's because I've had such a T-riffic day! I'm in a really good mood today. Nothing special or out of the ordinary has happened, other than the fact that I have good health and a family!

So, right now I just want to say, 'Thank you Jesus, for such a T-riffic day!'

I love you sooo much...muah!

Well, I have some more great news. I have been doing well in my schoolwork, the Lord has been helping me, and I've been getting it done, just like I asked him. So, I'm happy and thankful for that!

Let's see, what else?

OH! I might be going to spend the summer with my best friend, working at a summer camp!!! I'm sooo excited. I really hope the job comes through!!!! I really want to go. So, ya, I'll be praying and asking the Lord for that.

Well, I can't think of anything else to write or talk about! I'll update later!

Thank you Jesus!

gypsy

Rambling about my Confusion

This is going to be real quick. I don't have a lot of time to be, "deep." LOL.

Anyway....
My last blog, I said that I would try not to complain about my situation. Well, I've failed, and miserably!!! I'm not perfect! I do have to say though, I don't complain as much, as before. So, I am improving a little bit. :) Thank the Lord for that.

So,
I'm still struggling with the schoolwork. So, I better get off and get back to it!!!!

Oh, and about the "mystery guy." Nothing, has happened at all. Nothing!!! I mean, not that it should. I just wish that I knew how he felt about me!!! Oh, well.

I'm pathetic! I know.

Well, until laterz.

the,
Gypsy

Revelation

I'M BACK! YAY!

OK, time to get down to business.

This is going to be fairly quick. Or, so I say.

Anyway, I just want to say, WOW! What an awesome God I serve! He's so faithful to show me where I've gone wrong and comfort and be there to help me! All I can say is WOW!

He's shown me that, I need to stop thinking about myself, and to start thinking about others. I don't need to be consumed with myself, cuz...I'm not that interesting..lol.

The whole time that I've been living here, I've been so consumed with myself and what I want. I didn't stop to think of others around me. How selfish is that? Bad, I know. I've been struggling with just being content here, cuz everything in me doesn't want to be here!! The Lord is slowly opening up my eyes and showing me that, there is some good here and even though I don't' love it....I can be contented with it!!! Amen! So, I'm trying to be more positive and trying to discover the silver lining out of every situation. I'm not perfect, but who is? Besides Jesus. No one..that's who?

So....I'm going to make a pact with myself...that from now one I WILL TRY not to complain about my present situation...and instead praise the Lord for it, and see if maybe I can enjoy myself..for however long I'm here.

I love you soooooo much Jesus!!!!!

Alrighty, I'm signing off...until later.

Peace out,
the gypsy

Wonder

Wonder.

What a word. Right? This particular word can mean so many things. The question is ' What does it mean to you?'
At times I think I might know what it means to me and then at other time I have not the faintest clue. We can put this word into many different contexts and we can choose which ones we put it into. How wonderful is that? You see what I mean??

Well, at the moment I have a special meaning for this word. I at this very moment know what it means to me and know what context to put it into.

And it is this...

It means to me this, I want to know something and I wonder about this particular issue...and at times I don't know if I will ever know. I want to know so badly, but the million dollar question is, "Will I ever know?"

The context I put this word into is this...
I wonder if this particular guy (who shall remain nameless, for security reasons...:)) likes me, or if he ever will. I think at one time he might have, but I want to know if at this very minute if he does or not. I know this pathetic, but I can't help it. I don't have the guts to ask him, and when I do e-mail him, just to say hello; he NEVER responds!!! Do you know how frustrating???? Well, it extremely is!!!!!

OK...
I've calmed down a bit. I'm going to sign off now.

I just have this one prayer...

Dear Jesus,
Will I have know if he likes me? And could I find out soon?? Please!!!
Amen.

Ramblings...

I know that it has been a long while since I've posted. Lately, thing have been a bit wacky. Although, that is how it usually is, but that doesn't give me an excuse.

So...
For some reason, especially of late. I have been getting increasingly agitated. I'm not exactly sure why, or what the source might be, but the fact is...I'm irritated!
I have a slight hunch that I might know the reason, but I'm not sure I want to name it.

You know what? I'm not feeling to creative or expressive right now. So, I'm going to sign off and write later.

Daily battles

OK, today I'm going to be writing about my frustrations on, being a teenager, and growing up.

I know that to some, it's no big deal, but for some of us, it's a HUGE deal! Deep down I know that everyone teenager feels the same way I do. It's just that some of them, hide it better than others. It's hard to always remember and believe I'm not the only one feeling this way!

So.....my frustrations...where to start?

First of all, I don't like being a teenager at all. Being a teenager is all about the in between stage, and quite frankly, I've never have liked the in betweens of life. Being a teenager means change. Hey, I can deal with change, that's not my problem. It's just that some of the change I could do well, without.

I have this constant battle with my acne. I realize this is a bit petty and ridiculous, but when your at the stage of life, when looks are pretty much everything, well it matters greatly. Not to mention the fact that, acne just makes you look and feel terrible, inside and out! I have done everything I can think of to get rid of it! I have tried every face wash, kits, everything and nothing ever seems to work. My last resort is to get a new face..lol.

Now, onto my next frustration. MOODS! I believe that moods are probably the worst part about being a teenager. You constantly go from one extreme to the next. I am not exaggerating! One hour you can feel great, on top of the world. You can feel skinny, pretty,and everything else in between. (there we go with the in betweens again.) The next minute, you feel like total, (excuse the language) crap. Ugly, fat, and every other thing. For girls, I know that it's like this, but for guys, I don't know. I can only speak for girls. It's constantly like this. I don't care if your the smartest, most confident, gorgeous girl, you'll still feel insecure. I guess that's where the bulk of all our moods come from, insecurity. We all are constantly, comparing ourselves to one another. Wondering if we're just as pretty as they are or as smart. I believe that for the most part, I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm pretty confident in myself...in some areas, and I'm pretty happy being me. Then the moods kick in, and all of that flies out of the window, faster than you can say, "aw, shucks." I start to feel insecure, and ugly, and fat, and every other thing you can think of. I absolutely begrudge it all with a passion!!!
You know, some people say, we're not really people unless we have passion. Well, my passion is....begrudging moods! By the way, I would say 'hate." But my mom says, "Don't say hate, I don't want to hear you saying that." So, I'm obeying her. LoL. If my cousins were reading this right now, they would say that I am being such a goody tooshie! But I can't help it. I want to put 'hate' but I can't, it would bother me too much if I did.

Alrighty, moving on. The last frustration about being a teenager, is being a teenager. I'm at this stage in life, where I'm not an adult, nor am I a kid. I'm a teenager. I don't wanted to be treated like a kid, I want to be treated like an adult. Yet, at the same time, I don't want all the responsibility that comes with being an adult. You see what I mean? Being a teenager, is not easy. I am still searching for my identity! Gosh, I think I might be losing it..lol.

I'll look back on this in a few years and I'll probably say to myself, "What was I thinking." LoL.
Teenager=confusion.

Update later.

Dear Jesus.....

Am I ever going to change? I would like to think so, I mean if God if for me who can be against me? I know this sounds confusing or may be strange way to start this out...lol..thats just me though. Anyway, what I talking about is, for as long as I can remember I've always been lazy and a procrastinator!!! I absolutely can't stand it! I've struggled with this for so long and I'm tired of it. I've prayed and asked God to remove it, but so far it's still there. Maybe I just haven't prayed hard enough. I really don't know. I wish I had the answer though, because I don't want to be like this anymore. Like, especially recently I've really been wrestling with my little "demon." I am really behind in my schoolwork right, because of my little "problem" and instead of just buckling down and doing it, I find other things to do!!! What is wrong with me??

Dear Jesus,
I just pray right now, that you would help me overcome this mountain!! Because I can't do it without you! I need your HELP!!!

2007's almost here!

Wow! I can't believe it..it's almost 2007!!! It's so wild to think about. I'm gonna be 17 soon, it's kinda weird when I think about that too. Well, I'm here to update. Let's see...I'm sloooooowly getting used to the fact I have to live here, but to be perfectly honest, I just don't see how people can handle small town living. I really don't like getting real personable with everyone. I don't like the fact to much that everyone knows your business...it's strange and weird to me. It's hard going from pretty much city to a town that has less than someone of the schools in bigger areas! Trust me...it was a big shocker. OK, I know no one wants to here me gripe about my small town experiences. LoL. Well, I'm still trying to catch up in my schoolwork, so I don't have to repeat my Jr. yr. That would suck!

I'll update later.

peace out;)

Looking up

This is just a quick update. Things are going really goooood! I am doing much better.
I think that I have finally accepted this move and now I'm moving on! LoL. Anyway, I've been working on my schoolwork (just for the record, I'm doing independent study) and doing really well in it. Right now, I'm taking AP English and well to say the least I can't stand it! I have to write a essay on a poem and analyze the poem, and I don't understand the poem. How do you analyze something when you don't understand it? Beats me! Well, I have to splitzville. I'll keep it updated! Bye for now.

the not so wandering gyspy

Crazy or not?

I'm here for an update. It's almost 1:00 a.m. and I'm still up!!! BAD!! I have to get to bed so I'm making this short. Everything is going just fine. I'm still adjusting but that's to be excepted considering that I've only been here about a week. I was just on the phone with my dad and he was giving me the "talk" about life.
Anyway, in the course of the conversation he was asking me what I want to do when I get out of highschool. I said I haven't decided yet. Then he asked what my interest are I said well I like photography and I really like acting and the theatre. And mind you he's very supportive of everything but when I mention one of those two he pretty much tells me that they're "pipe dreams." If anyone happens to read this I would really like your input on the matter just to hear what you think. Am I crazy for wanting to do it? Am I just a "dreamer?" See, I strongly believe in that God has a plan for my life and I want to do whatever it is. But would God give me these desires and interest for nothing? I have no idea. I'm still searching for those answers. Well, so much for short. I have to get. Update later.

Well, for the record my last blog was well....pathetic to say the least. I was probably having a bad day or something. Anyway, I said I would update but I've been so busy and didn't have a computer...so I have been unable too. Where to start, for starters we did make it to Illinois:( The people I do have to say are really nice! But like my brother says, "There are nice people everywhere;)" It's has been interesting. Ok, I just moved from an area that was city compared to where I'm living now...lol. The town we are currently living in has about 1200 people...give or take a few. As you can imagine EVERYONE knows everyone. Especially us new people!! If your the new face in the crowd you can bet on it that they'll notice. Which has it advantages and disadvantages. I met a girl that moved here about a yr. ago from AZ. for the same reasons we did and she was telling me that all kinds of rumors will be going around about us. She wanted to give me a heads up to that I could be prepared. She was telling me that when they first came all kind of rumors were spreading around about her (the people that are making up the rumors are kids....highschool mainly) and one of them was...a pretty wild one too....that she was pregent!!! Can you believe that?? I was absolutely shocked! So if I don't get anything out of this move....one thing shouldn't fail about it and that is this should be interesting!!;) So, as you can see small town minded. I'm already starting to feel stifled and I haven't been here a complete week yet!!! I'm city girl at heart and this small town life isn't going to be easy. But I do have to remember to be thankful and not complain about every little thing. Let me tell you it's a daily struggle, I tend to want to hole up in my bedroom and feel sorry for myself, but I just have remember that God is in control of everything and everything will work out for his glory!! Easier said then done! LoL. Well that's the latest update for now.

gyspy

I DON'T WANT TO GO!!

It's here. My worst nightmare has come true! We're moving to Illinois! And there is nothing that I can do about it. Although I'd like to pretend I can do something about it. So, in about two wks. my life will change forever. And the thing is I don't want it to. I guess I don't have a choice. I just feel like crying, which I've already done by the way. I have to go. But I'll keep it updated.

Moving

Well, I'm here to update. It looks like (to my disappointment) that we are indeed moving to Illinois. It may not be right away, but it is coming:( I guess it won't be so bad, but I just have to say for the record that we are moving because Frank got a pastor job there. And what that will mean in a few months, I honestly don't know. Let's just say that his "techniques" worry us. That's about all I can say without "putting him down." I just took a trip to Illinois and it is soooo much different there. The lifestyle and everything. NOTHING is the same. It doesn't even have any close similarites to good ole' California! When I was a bit younger I used to wish that I could live anywhere but California. I guess the saying is true "Careful what you wish for" you just might get it. I been in many states throught the U.S. and I can honestly say without reservation that California is by far one the best places to live. So, my mom is going out to Illinois to check it out and to see if she can find a place to live. I guess in some small way I'm secretly hoping that she won't find anything so that we don't have to go out right away. I do want what God has for my life and if that means going to Illinois then so be it, but everyonce in awhile human nature kicks in. That's just life. Well that it for now.

Peace out,
gyspy