Having some doubts that I hope are cleared soon.

I'm in major limbo right now...or maybe it's just major doubt. Either way...I'm stuck. I am "planning" on doing the nursing program and everything, and I know it will be a great opportunity to do it...it will open many doors for me, but regardless of all of that, I'm still having my doubts. I sure hope the Lords clears them up for me...( and should I be excepting that??? hmm...not sure.) Anyway, I'm just not sure I want to plunge into all of this. But I do NEED an education and have some sort of career that offers a degree !!! I don't know, I'm just really confused. My saving grace is I don't have to know everything right now...that's the beauty of growing up...you don't always have to have all the answers..or any of them for that matter. I have about a yr. and half of general ed. to do before I have to "finalize" what I'm going to do with my life, and hopefully by then I'll know.

Well, I'll be starting school the 20th...and at first I was looking forward to it, but now...I don't know...not so much anymore. Hopefully, when I start and everything..I'll get more excited and really enjoy it!!! Part of me wishes I could fast forward my life over...hmm...the next 4 yrs. but I know I would miss out on life's wonder and magic. It's just hard. But who am I that I should be complaining. I've got live wonderful...I'm healthy..I do have some "brains"....lol.(though at times I wonder where they've gone??) I have people who love me and I them!! So, in reality I don't have any room or reason to complain. So, I suppose I should shut-up now. lol. It's a really good thing no one actually reads my blogs!! :)

I feel much better after venting. It always feels excellent to vent, especially when you get to write it out. Somehow, it gives me better satisfaction!! :) Well, I'll close this for now.
Until later...
much more contented gypsy

Plans..dreams...ideas..

So, I'm back...from the dead. lol. Not really...just thought I'd start this out a bit more amusing. To see if I could get you to laugh. Did I yet?? :)

Ok, moving on. I do that well. lol.

So, a few days ago, I had a bit of a dramatic meltdown, but I recovered fairly quickly!! Yay for me! The meltdown had to do with the fact of...I wasn't sure I wanted to really full fledged enter the nursing program, but I've made my decision...(once and for all...hopefully) that I will stick to it and get my education. NOT only will it be excellent money, I will also be educating myself and will be able to help and care for people in the future!! After I finish the nursing program, then I will be WAY more flexible to pursue my acting more seriously!! I still want to do that with all my heart, but I need a means to live..and this is it. I'm trying to be smart and responsible. I sure hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm pretty sure I am...it's nice to know that I have the Lord to rely on...especially when I'm not sure!! It comes in pretty handy then. :)

So, here is my grand plan! Plans always change with the circumstances of life and such...but we do need dreams to survive. Something to look forward too. At least I do...it's pretty much what I thrive on. Anyway, back to what I was saying...I want to get my RN BS..when I graduate..I want to move to San Diego...Oceanside..maybe..then once I'm established, I want to pursue my acting!! It's just an idea...so, what do you think?? It's great, right? lol.

Well, it's just dreams, plans, ideas....I'll update later.

peace,
gypsy

Plans

Well, I finally have enough time to write a bit more...(hopefully.) Much has been going on these last couple of wks. We moved back...as I stated before. I really happy about the whole moving back aspect, but the "being" back is a different story. It's gotten much better, but it was ruff the first few days back. I finally snapped. Literally...it wasn't pretty. My mom did also....so with all of this happening, plus we all moved into my aunts house...(which is only a 3 bedroom house!!) Ya, it has been chaotic. But we just living each day at a time. My parents are wanting to buy a house (I really want one with a swimming pool.) But can take time....so while their trying to find a house and jobs...we're living at my aunts. It's much better than living in oroville!!!!

Ok, so onto something more interesting. At least I hope it's more interesting! lol. I am enrolling at A.V. college and will be entering the nursing program. I want to get a B.A. in nursing...(become n R.N.) then after I have my education...where I'll be making some decent money...I'll be able to really pursue my acting career!!! But also, while I'm going to school.....I want to do community theatre and maybe get into commercials and stuff. We'll see what happens, but that at the moment is my plan!! I can't wait till I start school...I'm looking forward to it. I'm also trying to find a job. I pray that I will get one quickly!!! Life is such a great adventure!!!! Even though at times I don't always look at it that way...it really is.

Well, that is all I'll write at the moment. I'll talk about the "guy" some other time.

later for now.

Be-lated updating...and more to come

Sorry, it's been so long since I've posted. But a lot has been going on and happening since my last post! Too much, infact. I won't have the time right now to list and complain about everything (laughs and smiles:)) But I will tell the most important...drumroll please!!!!

We moved back to California! Big surpise there...right? Not really, I knew it was going to happen...just more of a matter of time. Anyway...I have much, much, more to write, but I will do it later!

until later...gyspy

Job Tales

What a day I've had! I went and submitted applications today. I was a bit nervous at first...and intimidated. But I got over it. For the most part..*wink* A couple of the places I know I won't be getting any calls from. But I really want to get a job at Starbucks! So...I'm hoping and praying that, if it's the Lord's will, I will get a job there. It will have to be the right combination...of making enough money and working enough hours. We will see...I might have to succumb to applying at M'D's...Goose forbid! lol.

Anyway....I'll keep you posted on any new developments of a job.

Well, it's about the mystery guy. But I have a feeling this will be the last time I write about him. He has gotten a girlfriend...like I predicted. But this I find pretty comical. I started laughing when I first heard it. He's dating a girl that is 25....he's only like 19 or 20...but I think more 20!! :) And the funny thing is...instead of feeling worried about it...or hurt or crushed...I just laughed. I don't know if this means...maybe, I don't have feelings for him anymore...but ya. Well, I can't figure that one out.

Well...until later.

gypsy

Thankful

I'm back!! :) A LOT has been happening since that last time I updated.

For starters...the whole church situation is on the "rocks" pretty much. It's just a matter of time before we are going to REALLY have to leave! The Lord however is in control...and we will only be leaving when it is the right time. I just have a gut feeling..among other things...that I know that we won't be here much longer. Our time here is very limited. The Lord is definitely good to us. My dad is have a hard time, but I think the Lord is allowing to work some things out of his life...but not only his, ours too. I see this whole situation as a lesson to learn from. If we had to leave tomorrow...I would have total peace. That is the most wonderful and awesome thing...though things haven't been easy (by no means!) I still have a complete peace. I know that the Lord is in control and I've finally reached the place where...I'm leaving everything in the Lord's capable hands. I have to say...for me personally, that was a long time coming, but when I finally laid everything down at his feet and just COMPLETELY left it all to him and stopped worrying, it has been the most amazing feeling in the world! Whether we had to leave tomorrow or in 2 months...I know everything will be alright..the Lord will always take care of us and love us, no matter what we've done good or bad..he forgives and forgets. Isn't he wonderful?? I think so! :)
So..for the last couple of days, especially, I have been feeling no anxiety, unrestlessness...or anything other than complete and total peace!!! Praise the Lord and thank you oh so very much!
My dad today gave a wonderful sermon! He talked about Jesus and the price he paid for us. We so often forget the magnitude of what he went through. We can't grasp it with are minds...it's impossible. We can imagine...but our imagination doesn't even come close to the real deal. I know that I can't fathom it with my mind...I've tried and trust me..what I've come up with, I know doesn't even compare with the real deal!!! I just want to say, "Lord, I can't even begin to express with words, how grateful I am to you, for dying on the cross for me, and paying the horrific price, that I might have an opportunity to spend eternity in heaven. So, even though these words are pretty in impressionable...Thank you, Thank you!"

Well, that's all for today folks. :)

Until later...

a very thankful gypsy :-)

Tales of my day

It's late, so I am going to make this quick...(hopefully.) Anyway, I'm not doing to badly right now. :) My mom and I went shopping today and I found some of the most adorable clothes ever! I am so excited and thankful I was blessed to find them!! This summer I plan on wearing a lot of skirts and summer dresses...I think that either the 50s or 60s is coming back into style. I believe it's kind of a combination of both. The polka dots and the clinched waist is all back! I must say though...I love it! The outfits are utterly adorable! So...I found some really cute tops and skirts! I can't wait to wear them. One problem though...I know I'm not fat or anything, but I do need to get into shape..(which I am making efforts to do) plus I could easily afford to lose about 5 pounds! So..at the moment that is what I'm trying to do. Anywhoo...I still have my Spanish to finish. So..I am getting up bright and early tomorrow and tackling it right away! NO MORE PROCRASTINATION! I am done doing that!!! The last couple of days I've been rather happy...and it's a wonderful feeling! :) As far as my future...I have completely put it into Gods hands...and I feel so light, like a feather. It's the most glorious feeling in the world. When we truly lay down our problems at his feet...and completely leave them there..it's liberating!!! I'm on cloud 9! lol.

Well, the family is doing well. One of my little sisters has a fairly high temperature, but she will be fine. With lots of liquids and prayer! :) My aunt and uncle...are fairing OK. I'm really worried about them, but I know I just need to in trust them in the Lords hands! It's easier said then done.

As for my mystery man...nothing is going on. No e-mails nothing! I haven't been thinking about him as much lately, which I find rather curious, but not much I can do about it...nor would I want too.

Well...I'm pooped. I'll update later.

in bliss gypsy

Odds and Ends

YAY! I have finally accomplished something. I feel on top of the world. I finished my math and history...and when I write again, I'll have finished my English!! All I'll have left will be Spanish!

Yes, I am so happy.

So...I have a another piece of news. There is this summer acting program in San Fran. that I really would like to attend. So, I am praying that everything works out and if it be the Lord's will...that I'll be able to go...so fingers crossed!

Well, I'm getting a little bit of cabin fever. I haven't left my Aunt and Uncle's house since I arrived here...which was...oh, about 2 wks. ago...I think. It's somewhere around there.

aah!

Ya, I'm getting a little bit antsy. But I don't really want to go back to that small town, but at the same time I don't want to keep staying here! Oh, well.

One of my little sisters broke her arm in 2 places yesterday. She broke it by jumping of the swing. :) She's a bit off a tomboy. My mom said she didn't cry much...she's one tough cookie!

Anyway, I'll end this. I need to get to my English.
Update later!

happy gypsy

Peace! Ah...what a wonderful feeling! :)

I've had a break through!

Just a reminder...I'm still in my "depression" mode...just so you all know.

Anyway, back to my break through. I've finally and honestly reached the point where....(drum roll please!) I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I'm at peace...for the most part...with everything!!

Gosh! It feels so good to say that! :) It might be due in part to my "depression." Either way...I've reached the point that I've been wanting to reach for awhile now. Don't get me wrong...I'm still very discouraged with many areas of my life...but I feel more peace now, than I have in a long while.
I can't really explain it, but it feel REALLY good! It's definitely God given! :) Thank you Jesus for this peace! xoxo

Well, other then my break through...I don't really have much else to report on. So, I end this for now.

Update later!

at peace with life gypsy

Uh Oh! Is another move in the cards....hmmm...

OK! Much has happened the last couple of days!

For starters...I think I'm in a new bout of "depression" or something to that effect. I'm not proud of it...but that's just the way things are. I've come to the point where I don't care anymore about anything. I've gone completely past caring. I don't care where we live or where we end up...

So...moving on.

It looks like we might be leaving Illinois a whole lot sooner than I excepted. Through a series of "incidents" Frank will most likely be losing his job.
Now I'm all for leaving Illinois, but I don't want to go back and live in Oroville and....it's not going to be any fun with him out of a job. For who knows how long :(
I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too, but I do hope the Lord provides another job for him.

Oh well...I don't really care much anymore...whatever happens, happens!

I'll update later.

gypsy

Schoolwork...BaBy!

Well, I'm starting to pray extra hard these days! Most of my praying subjects consist of one thing...my schoolwork! I'm actually not doing half bad in this department....but I still have some substantial amount of work left...namely in SPANISH!!! I really liked Spanish last yr., but this year...it pretty much sucks!!!

Then there's my ESSAYS!!! Don't even get me started on that.....they are cramming Soho many essays into the last quarter...it's not even funny:( OH, well...I have to do them..so I might as well get them over with!! Here we go.....

Well, that's all I came to write. I don't have anything interesting I feel like discussing or complaining about :) So...I'll end this.

Catch up with ya later!

gypsy

I want to cry!

I think I'm going to SCREAM!!!!!!

I don't know what to do. The guy that I've mentioned before, well....I can't stop thinking about him. I WANT to, because I know that nothing will ever happen...but that doesn't stop my feelings or my thoughts!! What am I going to do???

I SOOOOO much want to e-mail him.....but I know that if I do...one he won't respond. He NEVER responds to his e-mails....(at least the ones from me.) Second, I don't want to keep e-mailing him...cuz, if I do...then he might think somethings up...and I don't want him to think anything!!!

Gosh, I'm soo pathetic!!!! What am I going to do??? The thougtht of going back to Cali excits me...for one main reason....I might be able to see him!!!! See, what I mean? How much more pathetic can I get??

I don't know what to do. I've tried to squish these feelings and thoughts down...hoping that they'll disappear, but they never do!!

I don't know. If I knew that maybe he likes me even a little bit.....then maybe...it would be so much easier for me.
But he'll probably eventually find some girl....and really fall in love with her....and then I'll be the one that gets hurt...not him.

Gosh, this sucks completely!!!

He's such a great guy. I've known him since I was like 4...he's about 3 yrs. older than I am. He's a christian. He loves the Lord. He's super sweet to girls. He's a total gentleman!!!! I think that at one point....a looooooong time ago...he liked me.....but that doesn't count for much. I don't know about now....and now is what I really want to know.

He's never had a real girlfriend! He's gone on dates before....but he's never gotten serious with anyone. He doesn't drink, smoke....or anything...the only swear word I've ever heard him say....was "hell." That's it!!!

I know this all makes him sound like a goody tooshie...but he's not. He's just a gem...compared to other guys out there these days.

Ugh....this is pathetic...I feel like screaming and crying and soooooo much more!!! It's going to hurt bad...when he does eventually find a girl and falls in love with her!!!!

Ok, I'm ending this before I start to cry!

Later for now!

My life motto!

Missing

I WANT TO LEAVE 'THIS PLACE' SO BAD!!!!!!!!!! (I'm not at liberty to disclose what location I'm at, to do so would be unsafe:))

I WANT TO GO BACK TO CALI!!!!! I MISS IS SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! *crying* :(

Well, I'm glad I got that off my chest. I feel so much better!!!

later,
gypsy

lots of nothing

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a very moody person. I believe more so when I'm on my periods. I know it's kind of gross, but that's the truth. Also, no one ever reads my blogs, so, I think I'm pretty safe...I can write pretty much whatever I feel like. :)

The last couple of days I've bee....I can't remember what I was going to write.

Well, it's late and I need to get to bed. I have to get lots of schoolwork done tomorrow.

I'll write later, when I get the chance.

Later for now.

gypsy

Praises

Today is a T-riffic day!

Do you know why it's such a T-riffic day?

Well, it's because I've had such a T-riffic day! I'm in a really good mood today. Nothing special or out of the ordinary has happened, other than the fact that I have good health and a family!

So, right now I just want to say, 'Thank you Jesus, for such a T-riffic day!'

I love you sooo much...muah!

Well, I have some more great news. I have been doing well in my schoolwork, the Lord has been helping me, and I've been getting it done, just like I asked him. So, I'm happy and thankful for that!

Let's see, what else?

OH! I might be going to spend the summer with my best friend, working at a summer camp!!! I'm sooo excited. I really hope the job comes through!!!! I really want to go. So, ya, I'll be praying and asking the Lord for that.

Well, I can't think of anything else to write or talk about! I'll update later!

Thank you Jesus!

gypsy

Rambling about my Confusion

This is going to be real quick. I don't have a lot of time to be, "deep." LOL.

Anyway....
My last blog, I said that I would try not to complain about my situation. Well, I've failed, and miserably!!! I'm not perfect! I do have to say though, I don't complain as much, as before. So, I am improving a little bit. :) Thank the Lord for that.

So,
I'm still struggling with the schoolwork. So, I better get off and get back to it!!!!

Oh, and about the "mystery guy." Nothing, has happened at all. Nothing!!! I mean, not that it should. I just wish that I knew how he felt about me!!! Oh, well.

I'm pathetic! I know.

Well, until laterz.

the,
Gypsy

Revelation

I'M BACK! YAY!

OK, time to get down to business.

This is going to be fairly quick. Or, so I say.

Anyway, I just want to say, WOW! What an awesome God I serve! He's so faithful to show me where I've gone wrong and comfort and be there to help me! All I can say is WOW!

He's shown me that, I need to stop thinking about myself, and to start thinking about others. I don't need to be consumed with myself, cuz...I'm not that interesting..lol.

The whole time that I've been living here, I've been so consumed with myself and what I want. I didn't stop to think of others around me. How selfish is that? Bad, I know. I've been struggling with just being content here, cuz everything in me doesn't want to be here!! The Lord is slowly opening up my eyes and showing me that, there is some good here and even though I don't' love it....I can be contented with it!!! Amen! So, I'm trying to be more positive and trying to discover the silver lining out of every situation. I'm not perfect, but who is? Besides Jesus. No one..that's who?

So....I'm going to make a pact with myself...that from now one I WILL TRY not to complain about my present situation...and instead praise the Lord for it, and see if maybe I can enjoy myself..for however long I'm here.

I love you soooooo much Jesus!!!!!

Alrighty, I'm signing off...until later.

Peace out,
the gypsy

Wonder

Wonder.

What a word. Right? This particular word can mean so many things. The question is ' What does it mean to you?'
At times I think I might know what it means to me and then at other time I have not the faintest clue. We can put this word into many different contexts and we can choose which ones we put it into. How wonderful is that? You see what I mean??

Well, at the moment I have a special meaning for this word. I at this very moment know what it means to me and know what context to put it into.

And it is this...

It means to me this, I want to know something and I wonder about this particular issue...and at times I don't know if I will ever know. I want to know so badly, but the million dollar question is, "Will I ever know?"

The context I put this word into is this...
I wonder if this particular guy (who shall remain nameless, for security reasons...:)) likes me, or if he ever will. I think at one time he might have, but I want to know if at this very minute if he does or not. I know this pathetic, but I can't help it. I don't have the guts to ask him, and when I do e-mail him, just to say hello; he NEVER responds!!! Do you know how frustrating???? Well, it extremely is!!!!!

OK...
I've calmed down a bit. I'm going to sign off now.

I just have this one prayer...

Dear Jesus,
Will I have know if he likes me? And could I find out soon?? Please!!!
Amen.

Ramblings...

I know that it has been a long while since I've posted. Lately, thing have been a bit wacky. Although, that is how it usually is, but that doesn't give me an excuse.

So...
For some reason, especially of late. I have been getting increasingly agitated. I'm not exactly sure why, or what the source might be, but the fact is...I'm irritated!
I have a slight hunch that I might know the reason, but I'm not sure I want to name it.

You know what? I'm not feeling to creative or expressive right now. So, I'm going to sign off and write later.